How far will I go in trusting Him?

I don't know if I can say this is just a little test. As my wife reminded me earlier, I am simply not used to rejection. Not used to having nothing to do. So as I go on week 3 of unemployment I wonder how far I can truly go. 

On the rejection side... I think I can handle it. Although I made it my whole life without even a girl breaking up with me or ever being fired; I am confident that I can take a little rejection when it comes to a new job search. Its all a part of life, all a part of the Journey God has us on. 

The real question for me comes into play with how many expectations will I drop or how many compromises will I make to end up with that pay stub again. 

I left my last job for a reason, a few reasons actually. One I wasn't the right guy for the job anymore. I believe full-heartedly that if you are ever going to do ministry your heart, your passion has to be in it. I know passion can fade at times, but thats a different blog. Second, I left my job so I could go after the dreams God placed on my heart. I think it was one time when I was either reading Oswald Chambers or Charles Spurgeon when he said, in those moments where God throws some insight onto you or puts a burning into your heart and mind, in that moment you must go after it or you will lose that moment forever and that burning is so hard to rekindle. 

Thats why I left, so I can create an environment around me to pursue that desire within.  And the job for me is going to have to be crafted so perfect that I can make good money, work hard at work and not bring it home with me so that I can devote time and energy to that focus. 

But with the fears of the baby coming so quickly and all the expenses we will need to cover, with the need to get a new place to stay and all the ways our lives will change from that- I almost want to take whatever comes along and forsake those dreams and desires and just focus on providing for my family. 

So I find myself in this struggle now- finding the balance of trusting Christ with the desires of my heart and the demands of my life, and what my role is in between them both. 

And truly this is just another part of our relationship with Jesus Christ. How far we will take that trust and obedience of Christ is at the core of every struggle we face. I guess that is just a reminder of faith; trusting in God and following His lead even if you dont know where you are going or how you can handle it, cause in the end it all boils down to Jesus Christ and not james clonts. 

So lead on Lord, I am still behind you!