I have a confession

     Recently I have felt completely overwhelmed- not so much with Eden's birth but just the place that our family is in right now. I remember feeling called to ministry when I was six in the bathroom of our church ( a lot of good things happen in bathrooms), God moved me from preparing for a genetic research degree to going on a missions trip, He led me to study psychology at a Bible college in Columbia so I could continue to do ministry in Chapin, He gave me a wife who is passionate about Jesus and wanting to do ministry with me, and He asked me to leave a church who was my family and home for almost 10 years where we were safe, loved, and taken care of. 

     And sometimes I feel like we are floating, waiting, killing time. Every plan that comes across my mind, every job we see or think of, feels wanting. Its like here we are hungry driving through town and passing restaurant after restaurant, we cant decide on where to stop because nothing seems to satisfy our hunger. Everything is good but just not the right thing. 

      What is the right thing? What is the thing for us? Helping start a church, moving to florida to redo a house, staying where we are and waiting? 

       I believe that my God is a big God. He doesn't leave things up to chance and blind guesses- He has a plan and a purpose. And normally God is quite clear. Normally you can tell what He is saying because you are close to Him as a lover and a friend. And knowing that sin is a block that keeps your from hearing God and God from being clear to you it makes the struggle of knowing your purpose a little easier to decode. 

      His purposes and plans dont change on the whim- His hope is weaved into our every day, every moment God is working, setting things up, preparing the road and us as we travel on it. 

      What is our reaction? How do I handle the wait? As I read in Charles Spurgeon's devotional this morning- meditate on the love of the Lord, Hosea 1:1. Look back in the past at that faithful love, at the enduring grace of our Saviour, see the ways He has held us, blessed us, kept us together, forgiven us, looked past our unworthiness and know it will continue. It will continue. His love, His faithfulness, His plan. His purpose, His blessing, His hope. It will all continue and that is worthy of our praise and love. That holds me together and helps me continue too.