Smoking, Fires, Tears, and Medicare (Part 4)

This is going to be my last blog of the night. And I have to do this quick cause Fringe, my new favorite show is on and I want to spend some time with my wife. 

I feel like sometimes we get so caught up in our own worlds that we miss out on the stories of people around us. I have wondered how Jesus handled hanging out with people who were different from Him. And I am far from being anything like Jesus around beggars and hookers and drug addicts. But I believe that in understanding people we have a better ability to understand ourselves and our calling. In understanding people I think we have a better ability of understanding how we are supposed to apply the Word of God to our own lives. 

And I think that one of our biggest problems is how can we truly be in the world but not of it. How can we shine the light of Christ with out becoming dull and without burning the eyes of those different from us? Maybe its too late for me to get these thoughts out right.

Smoking, Fire, Tears, and Medicare (Part 3)

You know what else I have learned. 

How good it is to put yourself into something all day. All your knowledge, your mind, your creativity where those lack and to walk away at the end of the day seeing what you have accomplished and know it was pretty darn good. 

I got the chance to experience that when I worked for Matt Lawson at ASAP Mechanical for a few weeks in my hiatus from ministry (or at least the official kind of ministry)

Matt (who probably will never read this so I dont have a problem saying it) told me once that if times ever got tough to give him a call, and as a good friend kept in touch with me just to make sure things were ok. He gave me a job when work was slow, and for a construction company thats a big deal. He gave me a job probably because he likes my wife better than me and wanted to make sure my baby kept getting food to grow. I probably have learned better in my two months off than any time before how to see the character of a man and thats a guy Im glad to call my brother. (and let me just add if you need any electrical work, heating and air, or like hot water heaters or any kind of work done- give Matt a call at ASAP (260-HEAT)

Its my blog you know I can do that kind of thing!

But when I showed up for work Matt paired me up with his newly established electrician. Now for those of you who know me, I cant even walk straight without tripping over the side walk. I am definitely not good with my hands at all- on cars, computers, yardwork and especially electricity. 

Tom, my new boss, told me later- When I heard Matt gave me a guy from his church you have no idea how worried I was. I did ok though and now know a little more about those bundles of fire that run through wire. Dont worry- I dont think any houses will burn down. But Tom, my fellow NY Jets fan (although he has more of right being a fan than me since he is actually from New York) actually taught me a good bit while I was there. 

And probably more than anything it was about discipline and work ethic. As he put it, Electrical work is mostly just making things look good. You can do it right but if it looks like crap your work will be associate with crap. But if you spend a little extra time and effort and make it look nice, well that helps not only you out when the inspector comes but the next guy that messes with your work will probably respect it a little more. (Now that is something I can apply to the church you know!) 

A lot of times we work to get the job done but we wont put in the effort to do it right. I wonder what Christ thinks of that. Much less the Holy Spirit, if we finally ever do let Him fully in on the job. 

The other big thing- You have to prove yourself to get into the attic. One of the most difficult parts of electrical work is fishing wire through built houses and especially in attics. Heat constantly over 105 degrees, insulation all over you, balancing tools on studs and doing your best not to fall in through the ceiling of someones kitchen, all sounds like something I would pass off to the new guy. But no. The hard stuff is handled by the best, until the new guy shows he can really handle it. Pulling on wire is easy and anyone can do it. But if anyone goes crawling around an attic, well there is going to be more than shells in your eggs next breakfast! 

You cant pass responsibilities off to someone else just cause it would be easier. I still need to wrestle with that one for a bit longer.

Smoking, Fire, Tears, and Medicare (Part 2)

I dont know the last time you have ever felt like you were in a desert with God, I am not too sure if I can put my finger on it either. But I decided that where I am now is like a swamp. There is beauty, there is growth, but you dont really need to set up a house in a swamp. Although the trees covered in moss are gorgeous and there is shade from the heat- a swamp is something you pass through not dwell in. 

I feel like that is where I am. I have felt revitalized in my last 2 months since stopping my job. I have felt that I am getting closer to God, that I'm maturing in my understanding and becoming more disciplined. But I also feel like there are so many snakes and alligators around me, luring me into dangers and snares, and because there are so many trees I cant find my direction as easily as I could. 

I am currently working at a call center for Medicare through Blue Cross/Blue Shield. Its a good job and free insurance but its temporary. Which means I am supposed to lose it either a few weeks before or a few weeks after our baby girl comes. 

I dont think I have ever been as scared or as aware of my trying to handle things in my own power as in this job searching. Providing for your family is like the #1 responsibility of every dad. At least you think it is, and it feels like it is. I told Mercy the other day, I want to make enough money where I dont have to think about my checkbook to know if I can get a coffee or not. I want to have all my bills, my debt, my credit and my savings taken care of now, so I can be carefree with how I live. 

That is a struggle for me- I mean I took over a 50% cut in my income when I left the church and thats only after I got a job! I work with single moms not a day older than me, who have 2 kids and an absent father and are trying to make ends meet. I work in front of grown women who are going through menopause while they are taking night classes for a college degree and trying to pay the mortgage and the bills. ( There is like 90% women at my job right now) I work right beside some guys that show as the top priority in their lives is the clothes they wear and the gadgets they have. 

But you know what that has made me see as being the most important thing, as the #1 priority for me as a dad and a husband is giving my family a heritage of God. I figure I will probably struggle with money the rest of my life. But Im not going to let my wife struggle with there not being any spiritual leadership in the home. Im not going to let my daughter or any kids that come after her struggle with the truth of the Father God's love and grace. 

My family will have a heritage of the power and the person of Jesus Christ before we focus on Starbucks and clothes. My kids are going to see  Christ's emotion for them as the church through my Ephesians 5 love for Mercy. They are going to have a heritage of peace and strength through the knowledge of the Word of God that I pass on to them. 

And hopefully when this time of mine wading through these murky waters I will be able to give them a model of what it means to wait upon the Lord and to seek His face.

Smoking, Fire, Tears, and Medicare

What do those three things have to do with me? Well, they are all different parts of my journey these days. And what a journey it has been so far. 

Lets start with the most recent...

This past weekend I went to a marriage retreat- Lifeway's Festival of Marriage. It was a great time to be with Mercy and learn about our relationship and confront issues we have before they are all embedded in the heritage of our family. It was an added plus to spend the time with Michael and Brittany, and Mark and Michelle too. 

But something wacked me out of the blue in our last worship time. The speakers for the weekend were on stage talking about what a privilege it had been for them to just see the couples "awaken" over the weekend and how the transformation of their love for their spouses had continue to rock them as the leaders throughout the weekend. 

I started crying while they spoke. Mercy was completely freaked out because like I said it came out of nowhere. I dont even know if I can explain it, but like I shared with her, its because my heart tugged at those words he spoke. 

I know what its like to stand in front of a crowd of people and see the Spirit of God wash over them. I know whats it like to see people "awaken" not because of anything I had done or said, but simply because God was there and He wanted to change people's lives. There is nothing more powerful, more sweet, more fulfilling than to be a part of that. And I have to confess it has felt too long since I have seen God sweep through a place. Like I told Mercy, she has my heart but that is always going to be a part of my call, and there is nothing better than to be a part of that kind of work of God. 

I miss it. I miss being a part of a family. Its hard to once be a pastor of a family of God and now be on the fringe of what it feels like is the whole kingdom. 

I wonder for those of you who will read this, do you know what your place is in the family? In your church, in God's plan, what is it that He called you to do? I hope you do. 

I was created to be a husband and a father, a brother and a son. But before all of that I am a son of God. And what did Father God in all His sovereignty give me to do. Hopefully I was once a good enough teacher that any of my fellow students can answer that...